Shidduch mistakes (updated on 20090527)

Updates:

• Added links to two more articles
• Added Chanie's recommendations from comments to the post
• 2009/01/29 - added a link to Bad4's post
• 2009/05/27 - added a link to another Bad4's post

There's a day for everyone when they go for the first shidduch date. Some take it easy, others get very nervous. I was pretty nervous not to f/up something. We all tried to find out from our more experienced friends how to act, where to go, what to say, what to ask, what not to ask...

Anyway we end up doing some mistakes that other just couldn't predict to inform us beforehand.

I didn't happen to go on many shidduch dates yet, but I made my mistakes and I noticed some mistakes that girls did.

Here's my list - it contains my mistakes, things I noticed from girls I dated and my friends' experiences:

• Do not talk too much, let girl talk. This requires some strong self control, but this is a very good habit for any situation.
  
• Do not talk over the phone - discuss everything on dates - this gives you more topics to talk about so that you will never sit and look at each other trying to find next topic.
  
• Do not go shopping right before date - if you happen to go anywhere these bags may make troubles for you, also you'll be exhausted and tired and will not look as impressive as you want.
  
• Remember about time - first date shouldn't be longer than 1,5 - 2 hours (probably my biggest mistake so far) - what if a girl would graze her foot and will be feeling her less impressing (or whatever word is better here) - never forget about your 'partner'. Also, what if he/she doesn't like you from the first time but hesitates to show that by rushing to finish as soon as possible?
  
• Date after full work day is not a good case either, especially if it's a first date - tired person would not look attractive nor will be able to concentrate well.
  
• Be dressed properly. Imagine you're going to meet with your future boss of some company in Manhattan - would you come in jeans and wrinkled and emitted (released?) shirt or in some old t-shirt? So why wouldn't you take a person you go on date with at least same level of appreciation?
  
• Have a back up plan - what if the place you go to will get closed or will be packed with no place to sit? What if a girl will be late on her bus to Lakewood? What if she's flaishiks and you're going to a dairy place? Or vegetarian? Just be prepared...
• Do not show if you don't like girl/guy you with. Just try to politely finish date faster, but don't just tell it in face. I also heard of guys seeing a girl from another corner, thinking that they don't like her and just disappearing! Remember that she also spent her time, so be nice and don't let her stand there with stupid look for another hour thinking you're late or she messed up with place you were supposed to meet at.
• Be on time. This never hurt anyone, however making someone to wait for you is not nice and is a first item in the list against you. This is more for guys than for girls though.

Chanie added some recommendations in the comments:

• If you're a brilliant girl, don't show it on the first date. It turns guys off.
• Don't make dirty jokes on any date- it's inappropriate.
• Don't tell the guy/girl that they're not the weirdest, craziest person in the world. Some will get insulted.

Did you get something to add? It'll be cool if you post in your blog and then we'll all interlink to all posts on this topic. By that we may be able to prevent future mistakes and help other who only start.

Useful posts by other authors:

• 10 minutes a Day to a Better Marriage
• Un-Funny Sh'lom Bayit Joke
  
• Hooray for Bad Date Stories
  
• Where Do You Want To Go? - where not to go by Bad4