Friday, March 27, 2009

At the lowest peak of emotions...

It is all about depression and apathy. When there's no interests and no goals. When it's all about being alone and music in the ears.

When it's all about finishing daily work and there's nothing after, just back home (without any will) and next day back to work.

When nothing is cared about, not even money wasted or broken items at home that noons else would care about.

When you keep things to yourself and just silently fail instead if showing your anger. You just stop asking about something when you realize people can't do it easy even if you really need it.

When it's about getting to work at the last minute because there's nothing at night to leave earlier. When there are 5 days a week that don't differ from each other.

When it's all about constant analyzing what's going on, realizing certain things but not taking steps to fix them.

When playlist in the iPhone didn't change for almost six month and it's little bit more than 2100 songs playing morning to evening 5 days a week.

When it's about to refuse shidduchim realizing strange things why I am not good for shidduchim and why no normal girl would deal with me and when it doesn't have to do anything with money.

Then it means there's no motivation to change anything in mylife.

I don't like to complain usually, this is just emotional post, otherwise I would never post it anywhere.


  1. Here's something to do:

    In the second, I'm leading a faction and need trusted people. Though really could use someone not Jewish to take care of the faction on shabbat/yom tov.

    Both games you can play from your phone.

  2. If you are that apathetic you need to either join the gym and exercise religiously, find something/someone that inrpires you, or get therapy. Take care of yourself.

  3. @Sally - thank you for suggestions! I'm not that bad for therapy yet boruch Hashem. I should start going to gym but I'm too lazy and not organized to do so and I'd need someone to help me start; thinking of getting a bike though...
    There are not many things that inspire me, but I manage to have one or two people that I can talk to sometimes - everytime I feel bad for dumping it all on them. This motzei Shabbos I spoke to someone too - helped a lot!

  4. @Moshe - I don't know how that may help me. And I told you already - I'm not into games and I have no time for them.


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